I’m not obese or diabetic, but I have spent the past 50 years being a champion fighter in the battle of the bulge. I started dieting at the ripe old age of six when I decided that my fleshy thighs were unacceptable next to the rail-thin legs of my friends. So, while everyone else was chowing down on Ho-Hos and Twinkies, I was eating rice cakes covered in carob. It wasn’t pretty.
My parents, both from robust Eastern European stock, were always dieting, and Atkins and Weight Watchers became the lingua franca of my childhood. Every morning, I’d step on the scale and dutifully write down the findings in my diary, which was also filled with food logs and calorie counts. My mood for the day would hinge on whether the scale had gone up or down, and yet, I repeated the unpleasant ritual every morning.
Like many Gen-X women, one lesson I took away from the women’s magazines that I pored over was that my chubby body was unacceptable. With exercise (hello Jane Fonda and Richard Simmons!), a dose of willpower, and a low-fat diet, I, too, could have a thigh gap like Christie Brinkley.
Alas, that never happened. Instead, I suffered through dressing room meltdowns, SlimFast, disordered eating and years of intense body shame.
Eventually, in my late 30s, I learned how to eat more intuitively and (mostly) steered clear of the scale and fad diets. I was always about 10 pounds more than my “ideal weight,” that arbitrary number that got lodged in my psyche as a young adult, but I was mostly okay with it.
After going through menopause at 50, I was still able to keep my weight stable thanks to lots of movement and careful eating. And my cholesterol numbers and blood sugar thankfully remained within the “normal” range. That was, until recently, after a long trip abroad.
A wake-up call
When I got home, I stepped on the scale for the first time in months and gasped. The number was the highest it had ever been. I couldn’t zip my jeans, and even my shoes felt tighter. I’m only 5 feet tall, so even a few pounds can look and feel like a lot.