Why I'm Now Only Dating Younger Men

Dating men my age? Hard pass. Here’s why experience has sent me in a totally different direction.

Published November 03, 2025

Casey Beifuss

I’m at a time in my life where I have freedom to do what I want. I’m 50. I live alone in a condo where I have to do zero outside maintenance. My kids are grown and doing really well. I’ve worked hard and have zero debt. And last year I moved and got rid of half my stuff. I feel free and happy, ready to start this next chapter in life.

But the one thing I’d like is a man who can add to my already peaceful life. Not because I need a man of course. It’s 2026 and women have shown they don’t need a partner to complete them.

I do want one and I'm not afraid to say it. However, he has to be the right one.

There seems to be a problem though. I can’t find him. Like anywhere. And it’s not for lack of effort or being open. I’ve been dating off and on since my divorce over eight years ago. Something occurred to me a few weeks ago while my finger hovered over a message I got on a dating app for a 30-something year old. There’s one thing I haven’t tried: A younger man.

I’ve considered it but the thought is always fleeting. I think, oh he'll want kids, and this won’t be pretty when I'm 60 and he’s 40, and I don't need to have a project. So I dismiss it despite the younger men who have told me they don’t want kids and the age gap literally means nothing to them.

I want a partner and not a project, but the men I’ve dated who are my age have been just that; a project. For starters, they are more set in their ways and habits than men in their 30s are.

And while we all have past traumas and experiences that shape us, I can honestly say I’ve never met anyone with more baggage than a divorced man who has kids and an ex wife. I don’t say this to be rude. It’s a fact. I’ve experienced this and my friends who are dating have had the same experience. I mean, all you have to do is google it, or throw it in your Instagram search bar, and the number of women saying the same thing is endless.

Most men my age who have been married are angry, and blame their ex wives for everything: their financial situation, the relationship they have (or don’t) with their kids, the reason they are not emotionally available. Their excuses are endless. They don’t seem to want to fix these things either.

They are stuck in the past and not interested in therapy. They are only interested in blaming other people for the reasons they can’t seem to get ahead in life. That’s something I have no interest in. I mean, talk about a project. Is there a bigger one than that?

What I’m finding now that I’m open to younger men is that they put in the effort. They are courting women. They have also been exposed to technology and phones and apps for most of their life so it’s not this new, shiny toy to them. They have grown up in a time where men are allowed to be emotional and want connection. Talking about feelings and therapy isn’t taboo like it has been for many Gen-X men.

Many of them live healthier lifestyles. They are a lot more interested in taking care of themselves mentally and physically and it shows.

These men are curious, not jaded. They want genuine connection and they approach relationships with openness.

And as far as the age gap? They don’t care. Like at all. They aren’t concerned that I’ll be 60 when they are 40 or 45. They admire confidence and independence and find that incredibly attractive. I always discuss the child thing right away. Even if they say they don’t want kids, it deserves a longer, more thoughtful conversation, but there are men who are sure biological kids aren’t for them.

They appreciate honesty. Younger men like women who are direct. They don’t think it’s their way or no way and admire strong women who know what they want and have deal breakers. Many of them had mothers like this growing up and it doesn’t scare them.

And they are up for adventure and trying new things. They have energy to pull you out of your routine and keep the energy fresh and exciting.

So, I've gotten over my hesitation and the stigma. Could I end up disappointed? Of course. But I've already been deeply disappointed by men my age so what do I have to lose? Dating younger doesn’t mean trading wisdom for youth — it means finding someone whose energy matches your stage of life, not your birth certificate. And if the fact that I'm quite a bit older doesn’t bother them, I'm not going to let it bother me either. I’m pretty sure it will be worth it.

Katie Bingham-Smith is a longtime lifestyle, health, relationships, and parenting writer who’s spent the past seven years connecting with readers through her work at Scary Mommy. A regular contributor to AARP The Girlfriend Letter and Grown & Flown, she holds a BA in English Literature with a minor in creative writing from Green Mountain College. Her writing has appeared in multiple anthologies, Woman’s World, and Bangor Metro Magazine, and she’s currently finishing her first romance novel. Katie lives in Maine with her three kids, two ducks, and a Goldendoodle—and when she’s not writing, she’s reading, at the gym, redecorating, or doing a little too much online shopping.