“I am taking the kids to my parents’ house. I want a divorce and will file paperwork soon.”
It was a Saturday morning. I was hung over and exhausted from fighting with my then-husband the night before. And all the nights before that one too. I don’t remember what we fought about but I remember we never really made up. For years, I had known that divorce was in our future, but I was still shocked when he and the kids walked out the door. I didn’t know what to do, really. I cried. I went to my own mother’s house and told her what had happened. I consulted our state government website, where I quickly learned he had already filed divorce papers.
In that moment, even in the midst of my shocked-but-not-surprised response, healing and acceptance began. I could no longer hide from the truth. Our truth. It had stared me in the face for years while I tried to hide in every corner and bottle and emotion I could find. It was easier to do that than to face the fear of the unknown that came with being a divorced mother.
What I didn’t know at the time was that the pain and separation, the so-called failure of divorce, was the greatest gift I would ever receive. And although the lessons, growth, joy and freedom that came from my painful, messy divorce didn’t come easily or quickly, my God were they worth it.
Behind the realization of every divorce is an invitation toward acceptance, an invitation to healing, happiness and a different future. These women all responded to the invite.
There Is Happiness if You Dare to Look Forward
“My ex-husband departed to Europe for a month to attend graduate school, which I was putting him through. Although we talked on a daily basis at first, after I did not hear from him for a few days I got a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, and I knew something was very wrong. During a routine email check, I saw an email from a woman with a smiley face in the subject line. A few days later, I picked him up from the airport and before we even pulled out of the garage, he asked for a divorce. Two years later, he came back and told me he regretted everything. I’d already moved on. Now, 19 years later, I am remarried and couldn’t be happier.” — Heather, 46, Arkansas
Know Your Worth (and Add Tax)
“My husband of 24 years refused to renew his life insurance policy because [he thought] I did not deserve to be a rich widow. He made six times what I made, while I stayed home with three kids and managed the back office for his business. I eventually found my voice and started to stand up for myself. He then requested a divorce — via our office email! I responded ‘OK,’ to which he said he was bluffing. Too late, Sunshine. At 58, I am five years free and happier than ever. Half of what was never enough for him is more than enough for me.” — Nathalie, 58, Florida