I met them my junior year in college. It was love at first sight. My boyfriend had brought me home to meet his family during Christmas break, and it was clear to me — and them — that we were meant to be together forever. Fast-forward 25 years and two children later, my marriage was over, but my love for his parents was stronger than ever.
While the relationship with my own parents has always been loving and close, the bond I formed with my ex’s parents was special from the start. There was no place I would rather be on any given holiday than at Nana and Papa’s. Their home, a constant presence of family and pets, was comfortable, welcoming and full of love. Nestled in the woods at the base of the Olympic Mountains, the dogs, ducks, rabbits, deer and squirrels roamed freely. Their home was like something out of a fairy tale.
When I was pregnant, my father-in-law, who was charming and generous with his love for his family, would cook special meals just for me. Saturday mornings meant Papa’s breakfasts. Thick-cut bacon and buttermilk pancakes were his specialty and, when no one was looking, he let me pour all the syrup I wanted on my pancakes. He took me fishing in the Strait of Juan de Fuca and taught me how to cook a perfect turkey. We would sit for hours together watching John Wayne movies, and I would listen to stories about his adventures in the Coast Guard.
My mother-in-law and I have a similar bond. We love the same mystery novels, movies and music, and share the same aversion to the post office. Over the years we have opened our hearts to each other often, sharing our hurts as well as our joys. She loves Christmas as much as I do, and each year their large home is decorated like something out of a Hallmark movie. I will never forget the Christmas we lived in San Francisco and weren’t able to travel home for the holidays. I cried the entire holiday, wanting nothing more than to be there with them.
When I married I gained not only a second set of parents, but also close and loving relationships with my ex’s brother and three sisters as well as numerous nieces and nephews. Over the years it became a joke within his family that if anything ever happened between my ex and me, they would keep me. No one could have predicted a truer truth. About 20 years into our marriage, we started having serious problems, and I was torn. I wanted to respect his relationship with his parents, but our marriage had become an ongoing battle of he said/she said. Knowing divorce is inherently divisive and drives people to their own families for support, I chose to keep my side of the story quiet, hoping in the end my character would speak for itself.
During our separation and divorce his family stayed as neutral as possible. They continued to love and support us both. And while they supported our decision to divorce, they made it clear to me from the start: “We will never stop loving you.”