Did you know that friendship can profoundly impact our physical and mental well-being, especially as we age? Dozens of studies have found that adult friendships, especially those that provide social support and companionship, significantly predict well-being and can protect against mental health issues such as anxiety and depression.
“Friendship in midlife is crucial because as we get older, our level of connection matters even more for our overall health and well-being than it does when we're younger,” says Dr. Marisa G. Franco, professor, speaker and author of Platonic: How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends.
So how can we nurture the friendships we already have while juggling a career, family and life’s ups and downs? Here are some suggestions:
Don’t Keep Score
Friendships aren’t always perfectly balanced and it’s self-defeating to keep tabs on who reached out first or who initiated plans, explains Nina Badzin, host of the podcast Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship.
“Look for reciprocity in other parts of the friendship. If you tend to reach out first most of the time, is your friend always responsive? Is she a great listener? Reciprocity doesn’t look like, ‘I make a certain type of effort, and you mirror that exact effort,’” says Badzin, who’d also like to see women be a little easier on each other.
“Many of us are balancing responsibilities to both younger and older generations as well as busy careers and side hustles. We might be working on staying more present in our lives by being less glued to our phones. This means it will take longer to respond to texts and other virtual communications on social media. Don’t create a story about your friends being mad at you.”
Show Up in Good Times … and Bad
Pay close attention to showing up for your friends during what Dr. Franco calls “diagnostic moments” – the highs and lows of life, such as getting a new job or going through a bad breakup. Those are moments of high emotion that people tend to remember and will disproportionately impact how satisfied you are with the friendship overall.
“When your friend is sick, can you send them some soup? Or, when they're getting divorced, can you text them maybe once a week? Can you bring them a meal? It’s really important to show up in those diagnostic moments to strengthen the friendship.”