My husband and I have traveled a long road together filled with challenges, changes, hardships and celebrations. No one really knows how life will unfold once you declare your vows. People can change in unpredictable ways, causing relationships to deteriorate and eventually break. I’ve witnessed this firsthand with many of my beloved friends who’ve had to endure the trauma and heartbreak of divorce and then find the strength to rebuild their lives. I am one of the fortunate few still in a happy and fulfilling marriage, which seems like a miracle these days. Although every marriage is unique, this is what I’ve learned after 23 years with my husband:
A healthy marriage requires honest, ongoing communication.
My husband and I talk about everything. We constantly share our feelings about anything that transpires in our lives. We ask for what we need and speak up when we don’t feel heard. This has been an evolving process, as we have learned how important it is to communicate our opinions, desires and frustrations to better understand what we need from each other.
Sometimes, we’ve had to work to resolve difficult conflicts, and other times, we’ve had to compromise and find a middle ground. When we ask for feedback, we expect the other to give their honest input. No matter how hard it is to tell (or hear) the truth, we always know where we stand and how we feel. Another critical aspect of our communication is showing appreciation and gratitude for each other and celebrating our strengths and accomplishments.
Marriage is full of sacrifice, selflessness and service.
Early on, I realized I would need to be less selfish and more sacrificial for us to have a successful marriage. Having a husband meant my life wasn’t just about me anymore, it was also very much about him. We consider each other in all our choices and work together as a team. A lifetime of companionship requires flexibility, patience, compromise and regular consideration of the other person's needs. There will be countless times when you give more without expecting anything in return. This continuous process ebbs and flows within our relationship depending on the circumstances we experience, our daily routines and the difficult experiences life brings.
We have sacrificed a lot to care for one another when traumatic events transpired. When my husband was going through an agonizing season of losing both of his parents to cancer, I did everything I could to be there for him. When I had to endure several surgeries back in my 40s, my husband took on all the parenting duties while he tenderly nursed me through the slow and painful recoveries.
Romance can look and feel different through the years.