One of the most blissful aspects of marriage (other than great sex!) is waking up every morning next to the person you love. During our early years together, I relished intimate moments cuddling and kissing my husband under the sheets as dawn's pink and yellow ribbons streamed through our bedroom window.
However, after having several children, our sleep patterns changed drastically. They were often disrupted, leaving us irritable and argumentative during the day. Yet somehow, we survived those sleep-deprived years without kicking each other out of bed. I'll admit, though, that I considered banishing my husband to the couch after enduring his snoring — which sounds like he’s using a weed whacker in the bedroom.
We also spent plenty of sleepless nights worrying about our teenagers and looked forward to the day when we would be empty nesters and could sleep again. When it finally arrived, I thought we'd resume our blissful sleep patterns and wake up well-rested and happy. I couldn't have been more wrong!
Little did I know that our bodies had changed unpredictably over the years and that uninterrupted sleep was nothing more than a fantasy. In addition to his loud snoring, my husband developed Restless Leg Syndrome and twitched on the mattress like a fish out of water. The constant jerking motion of his limbs startled me out of a deep sleep so often that we'd argue in the middle of the night until neither of us could sleep.
Of course, I was not blameless in our disruptive nocturnal cycle. Menopause played an inconsistent game of bladder roulette — some nights, I'd wake three or more times to use the bathroom. Despite carefully tiptoeing across creaky wood floors, my husband, a light sleeper, would always wake.
Menopausal night sweats also wreaked havoc. My husband claimed that lying next to me was like sleeping with a supernova radiating heat across the damp bed sheets. This led to battles over the thermostat, where one became a human popsicle each night and the other a sweat-soaked ragdoll.
After two years of playing mattress musical chairs, it was evident that sleeping together was no longer beneficial to our health (or our marriage). However, when I suggested adding a second bed to the room, my husband balked, saying we weren't living in an “I Love Lucy” episode where Desi and Lucy slept in separate twin beds. He was also concerned that our kids would think we had relationship problems. But after too many heated arguments and months of sleep deprivation, he finally caved, making the excuse that our old mattress was no longer comfortable for his back, and started sleeping in the spare bedroom.