Turn back the clock to the 1930s, folks, ’cause out of my very conservative upbringing, that was one of the few things that stuck. Not “don’t smoke or chew or go out with boys who do” (I’ve done all three), or “early bird catches the worm” (I’m a notorious sleeper-inner) or the real whopper: don’t have affairs, coupled with don’t have an affair with a married man (check and check).
I purposefully waited to get married before having sex. So, after being with one man for over 25 years, I experienced what one might call a “sexual awakening.” That first summer after my divorce was the kick-off. In other words, I had a lot of sex. And I had it indiscriminately. Young, old, short, tall, drunk, sober, beach, bathrooms, hotel rooms, back seats of cars — you name it, I was game.
The last time was with someone I met on Tinder. We had sex a couple of times — usually dinner, drinks and back to my place — on date number one. I knew there was no connection; it was just sex. But it was after our second time that I discovered the difference between having chemistry and connection and just having sex. And for me, I realized that was a game changer.
JJ was my age, lived nearby, was divorced, had two kids, was good-looking, in decent shape, nicely dressed, had a job and owned a car. If you’ve spent any time whatsoever participating in online dating, you will understand why I list those things as qualities. What JJ lacked, however, was a personality and the ability to complete the “job” after a few drinks. The latter was not as important, but still.
Suffice it to say, after the third “date,” I had a sit-down with myself and a good long talk.
“Look,” I said to myself, “this isn’t working out so hot, is it? Face it, Merritt. You want — no need — to actually like a man to fully enjoy giving and receiving sex. You have experienced both. You did the research. Homework complete. (I gave myself an A+ for really throwing myself into the assignment.) But it isn’t you.”
